What is surrender?

Is it subjugating your will?
Is it not caring what happens?
Is it giving up?
Well, not really.

In every situation, we have the option to act, to attempt change, to apply our will to the given situation. Sometimes that application of intent and energy bears fruit and sometimes it doesn’t. The trick is being able to discern when it is appropriate to act or push, and when it is appropriate to let go and surrender to the flow of life. Sometimes we give up too quickly and sometimes we refuse to surrender, even when surrender is the very thing that will set us free.

So when is it the right time for us to choose surrender? Let’s say you always wanted to be 5’ 8” tall. You get to 5’7” and that’s it. This is an example of karma that can’t be changed. Well sure, I suppose you could go have the bones of your legs stretched through surgical intervention, but why? Does it really matter that much? Or perhaps you have a beautiful and expensive shirt that you wear to a party. Someone spills grape juice on it, and you can’t get it out. You can try and try, but it’s not going to be the same color again. Sure, you can let go of the fact that you can’t wear the shirt any more, but will it serve you to still be angry and the person who spilled it? Probably not.

This is the principle of surrender; letting go of that which you can’t change. Being angry will never bring that shirt back. Anger or frustration is a choice; a choice to be attached to things, beings or situations being a certain way. Through detachment we are free to have peace regardless of what is going on. This is true surrender. It is the path of grace. By making surrender a conscious choice through positive attitude, awareness and acceptance, we are able to gracefully set ourselves free from the things that we can’t change. This gives us more energy to apply to the things we can and should change.

This frame of mind is particularly pertinent to those of us who always want to be in control of a situation in order to be safe. Really, that tight rein on reality is only creating a smaller box of what we are willing to accept in our lives. When we become more spacious with the things that ultimately don’t matter for our bottom line, we are more free to have more peace and joy regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Really, it’s not the situation that ultimately affects us… it’s what we choose to do with it. Where are you pushing against your life and resisting reality? How are you imposing your will on life instead of embracing life? By moving towards love instead of pressing against fear, you partner with life and the Divine as it is expresses itself through your life. When your eyes open to love, love is what you get to see and experience with more and more frequency.

May you have the graceful discernment to know when to accept what life is offering you, and when to act to create positive change. May you move towards love, and release your fear of life. May you live fully here and now, with the greatest bliss possible.

The bills aren't all getting paid.  The love affair has turned into a nightmare. You have twenty million things on your to-do list, a friend or family member has developed a challenging illness, your car won't run right unless you purchase a brand spanking new thingamaboberator. When WILL things lighten up?

When one exasperating challenge piles on top of another or challenges drag on and on and on, most people find it hard to keep cheery when things are looking dreary. Long term stress creates a lot of wear and tear on the system, so it's no surprise if your energy and sense of well being might dip a bit when the going gets rough.  It helps to have some strategies in place to help cope with long term stress. Here are a few of my favorite ways to stay centered when life is a bit off kilter:

Take One Step at a Time.

One of the fastest ways to make yourself crazy is to try to hold all of it at once.  When we view all of our troubles from a global perspective it's really easy to get overwhelmed. It's super important to just try to deal with what is in front you at the moment. If there are things you can do about the situation, prioritize what to do when, and steadily do what you can to make the situation better. Do your best to step back and trust that everything will work out as it should be. Don't keep trying to problem solve while you are doing other things.

Don't Over Think.

Over thinking will not solve your problems. It will just dig you into a negative rut faster. Do what you can, and release the rest. Practicing non-attachment to outcome can help reduce emotional stress. When you aren't able to practice non-attachment to outcome, at the very least try to give that outcome over to the Divine. Sometimes that's the only thing we CAN do. If you find yourself in tape running mode, try bringing your attention back to the breath or to your heart. Do some sort of physical movement so you can move your energy and awareness back down into your body to help release you from that mental swirl.

Slow Down, Cowboy.

"Ackkk! There is so much to do! Maybe if I race around doing everything, I can stay on top of it!" Sometimes, when the going gets rough the tough kick it into high gear. While this may get more done, it can also be more of a drain on your energetic systems. Be sure to stop and do nothing from time to time. Stop what you are doing.  Don't think about it for a little bit and just breathe. Be sure you are getting good rest at night so you are having some potent recharge time as well. It's a lot easier to stay emotionally balanced if you are rested and take time to re-charge.

Do Good Self Care.

When life is challenging, it's time to do more self care, not less.  Exercise; eat well drink a lot of water, rest. We know things are a good idea, but why aren't we doing them?  If you find you are not doing proper self care, you might want to ask yourself why. Are you punishing yourself? Is the care of your body and soul a lower priority for you than what is going on? What is it?  Maybe it's time for a perspective overhaul. How can you put yourself back near or on the top of your priority list?

Meditate.

One of the best things you can do to recharge is to take some time to meditate. If you don't have a set way to meditate, you might just focus on the sensation of breathing, or on one word, like "peace" or "love." Use any word that helps you to connect with the state that would most help you. When you say it, bring it forward in your emotional state as well. It's more than a word. It's medicine. Meditation is an opportunity to reconnect with experiencing yourself as a human being instead of a human doing. For some, it can seem as though nothing is happening. I like what living saint Ammachi has to say about this. "Meditation is like flying in an airplane. It can seem as though nothing is happening, but you are moving along very quickly."  There are more benefits going on than can be easily discerned.

Get Help.

If you are feeling over wrought physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually, don't feel as though you have to carry it all alone. Allow friends or family to help you or seek professional help. Sometimes trying to be brave and manage it all yourself is a silly idea. We are tribal beings. Reaching out when things get overwhelming can be a big help. Just knowing your not alone is a great comfort.  

Change Your Perspective.

Sometimes just getting outside or taking a little vacation can do a lot to help you get a bit of perspective. Yes, it may FEEL like the world is falling down around your ears, but likely, this is just a phase you are going through. This too will pass. You have made it through challenges before. You can make it through this too. I believe you have all the resources you need with to weather this storm as well. Trust yourself, trust the process and let it all pass through you.

If you would like to learn more about how you can become more centered in your truth and be clearer and freer no matter what is going on around you, my energetic clearing course can help.

Sylvia Brallier

What we resist persists. Enjoy this funny video where Sylvia talks about how aversion tends to make us manifest things we don't actually want into our lives.

Do you throw it around? Do you hide it away? Is your anger appropriate?  In this addition of How to Stay Cool When Things Get Hot, personal growth catalyst Sylvia Brallier shares what appropriate anger might look like, and you even might get a few laughs along the way.